The purpose of this blog is to speak from my heart–to be transparent by sharing my good, bad and ugly.
I have a confession to make… According to the calendar, today’s post is three days late. I came down hard on myself when I realized I missed a deadline. My conversation with myself included words and phrases such as “disappointed,” “unbelievable,” “not again,” “irresponsible”. Ugly.
You see, a few months ago as the current year was off in the distance, I received an invitation to be part of an accountability group. I paid the required administrative costs, completed the surveys, and set out to keep every deadline according to the guidance of my accountability coach. It was my attempt at putting in the work to accompany my leap of faith to becoming a published writer. Then, the challenges and struggles of my life crept in as they so often do, and I missed a deadline only three months into the process. As I write, through tears, snot and a pounding heart, my flesh is screaming “I’m afraid of missing more deadlines–important and significant deadlines. I’m afraid of not being good enough. I’m afraid of failing!” Bad.
Despite the missed deadlines and challenges of life I have this undeniable tug. How is it possible to be called to something and know it is your purpose, yet still be terrified to JUST DO IT? The creative genius behind Nike’s motivational slogan made a great impact on our culture, but they failed to do more than motivate. Ah-ha…the purpose was to motivate–no more, no less. They did that. I’m motivated. Good.
Motivation is good, but it isn’t enough. In the first blog post of this year entitled, “It was good,” I shared how I had prayed for God to lead me to my writing place. I also acknowledged that I am my writing place. That being said, I accept that it is my responsibility to keep track of deadlines, commitments and securing my success. God is Author and Finisher, but you and I hold the position of “middle man”. To that end, I must live out the process–doing the necessary work, whatever it takes. This includes putting on my big-girl panties and owning each step along the way to fulfill my destiny.
A good friend of mine stated the obvious–a writer writes. The simplicity of her statement brought to the forefront that I wasn’t being what I said I would be, because I wasn’t doing what I said I do. Here is my dilemma: The books are waiting on me to write them.
Are you as tired of reading this as I am of writing it? It used to motivate me, but today it reminded me that I messed up. I have notes–handwritten, typed and audio recorded. Snippets are everywhere. Daily, I wake up with thoughts flowing and all throughout each day they come faster than I can jot them down or speak into the recorder. There is no lack of material, there is only the lack of follow-through on my part. Not good, bad, and oh so ugly. ~Transparently Yours